1. Owl Counter: 1. He looks Sirius.
2. Dumbledore, messing with the lighting arrangements as he is wont to do.
3. Where do you learn how to change into a cat? Is there some kind of course?
4. I would trust Hagrid with my life, but with a flying motorcycle? Hmm.
5. The Dursleys’ porch lamp is still on, Dumbledore. You had one job.
6. The very first Harry Potter death stare. If looks could kill, Dudley’s face would’ve melted.
7. On to the Reptile House. That is a very polite snake, all things considered. The panic on Petunia’s face is priceless.
8. ‘Hilarious Dudley Pratfalls, Volume 1.’
9. Owl Counter: 2.
10. Check out the penmanship on that letter. That’s why the kids go. None of this spell-casting stuff. It’s all about the calligraphy lessons.

11. Owl Counter: 3. Wait… 5. No… 10.
12. Sweet cleansing fire, Vernon. Embrace the flames, and you might want to brush your hair.
13. Owl Counter: I counted 77 before I got to the roof. The Owl Counter is dead.
14. Yes, Dudley, daddy has gone quite, quite mad.
15. A hut on a rock in the middle of the sea. This was the only sane course of action.
16. Was your birthday wish for a gamekeeper to wreck a door because: SURPRISE!
17. Never bring a shotgun to a half-giant fight, Vernon.
18. Instant friend: just add cake.
19. Distracted by Harry’s comically large trousers.
20. Only Petunia could look this sassy with rollers in her hair.

21. Careful Vernon, that umbrella’s loaded!
22. Tapping sticks on walls does not usually reveal shopping districts.
23. Ooo pet bat – very goth.
24. The Nimbus Two Thousand. It probably won’t come up again.
25. Gringotts Bank. Where the cleaners have been on holiday since 1894.
26. Writing ‘Top Secret’ on a letter in red ink isn’t as secretive as you might think.
27. Vault 713. This musical crescendo is trying to tell me something.
28. Ollivander says his parents came in for their first wands? How many wands did Lily and James go through at school?
29. Not the one. Nope, not that one either. That third wand comes with amazing lighting, treat yourself.
30. HEDWIIIIIIG. Forget about the bat, pick the adorable owl.

31. Hagrid, you are just terrible at being enigmatic but that was an impressive disappearing act.
32. Weasleys! All the Weasleys. Okay MOST of the Weasleys.
33. Oh Molly, where would we be without you? (Still at King’s Cross and sad).
34. Well that was cool, but get out of the way before Ron rams into you.
35. Every school should have its own train. With a sweet trolley.
36. ‘I’m Harry, Harry Potter.’ And with that, we see the first of many dumbfounded looks from Mr Ronald Weasley.
37. Scabbers. Our eyes narrow.
38. Has anyone ever picked a tripe-flavoured Every Flavour Bean?
39. Magic outside school, Ron? What would your mother say?

40. Hermione Granger: repairs some glasses, throws shade, drops mic.
41. Seriously, look at first years standing next to the prefects. They’re so teeny.
42. The giant squid was obviously not included in the Hogwarts prospectus, otherwise I think there would have been a letter campaign.
43. Woah, that’s a castle!
44. ‘And Slytherin’. Your tone gives you away, Minerva. Clearly not a fan.
45. Let’s hear it for Trevor the disappearing toad.
46. ‘Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.’ You’re at wizard school, not MI5.
47. Why wasn’t my school like this? I mean there were probably fewer candle wax-related injuries, but still.
48. Mrs Norris looks shifty.
49. ‘GRYFFINDOOOOOR!’

50. It’s just a hat, Ron, don’t look so scared.
51. Professor, there’s a ghost in my chicken. Granger, you had to ask why he’s called ‘Nearly Headless’.
52. The heating bill at Hogwarts must be extortionate.
53. I’m just going to say it: Professor McGonagall makes an adorable cat.
54. Just let Hermione answer the question, Snape, otherwise she may explode.
55. Seamus will one day burn this place to the ground.
56. Fantastic ‘the game’s afoot’ face, Granger.
57. Anyone else think broomstick practice maybe needs a bit more room?
58. Neville: king of calamity, duke of disaster.
59. Shameless #TeamGryffindor bias from McGonagall.
60. These staircases are all over the shop at Hogwarts. Is the Fat Lady at the wheel? Would explain a lot.

61. Filch’s cat. Reverse, REVERSE!
62. Being expelled would be much worse for Hermione than death.
63. Quidditch: the sport that arms children with wooden sticks then flings them into the air, no matter the weather.
64. Golden Snitch eh? It probably won’t come up again.
65. It’s Levi-OH-sa, not Levio-SA’. See Hermione – guys love it when you show you’re better at things than they are.
66. THAT WAS MEAN, RONALD.
67. Calm down, Quirrell. You’re making a spectacle of yourself.
68. Malfoy’s troll face.
69. Hermione is saved, Ron knocks out a troll, bogeys everywhere. It’s the stuff of lasting friendship.
70. And he wipes it on his robes. For the love of…

71. FIVE POINTS?! Miss, he sparked a mountain troll.
72. Powerful eye game from Snape.
73. Oliver Wood’s story about his first match really isn’t enhancing Harry’s calm. There’s no shame in running. Well, maybe a little.
74. Hermione appears to be taking inspiration from the Seamus Finnigan ‘set fire to everything’ playbook.
75. I think I saw slobber on that Snitch’s wings.
76. And the anti-Snape society convenes for its first meeting.
77. Christmas at Hogwarts beats everything.
78. Does Quirrell owe Professor Snape money?
79. ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live…’ Excuse me, I have something in my eye.
80. Hagrid needs to stop taking animals off strangers down the pub.

81. Owl Counter: billions.
82. Snitches get stitches, Malfoy. And you were out of bed, genius. Enjoy your detention.
83. ‘God, I miss the screaming.’ Argus Filch’s Ofsted report is going to be a hoot.
84. Unicorn blood. This is detention at Hogwarts.
85. And then a hooded figure attacks an 11-year-old. This is detention at Hogwarts.
86. ‘I shouldn’t have told you that.’ The Hagrid equivalent of having a bad feeling about something.
87. Snape’s ‘did you just narrow your eyes at me, Potter?’ face is amazing.
88. Neville – your time is now. Nope, he’s on the floor. Probably with an itch on his nose.
89. Three-headed dog drool. How droll.
90. Devil’s Snare does not sound child-friendly.

91. Give Ron some credit. Chess is rather taxing and wizard chess is ‘brutal’.
92. ‘I’m never alone.’ Is this the moment Quirrell lifts back his robes and we see his 15 cats? And one of them is called Captain Sparkles.
93. Well that’s disturbing. And the talking face on the back of his teacher’s head wants to bring the dead back to life. Seems legit.
94. Normally children’s hands are just sticky, but Harry’s are lethal weapons.
95. In the hospital wing. Later in the series, this is referred to as ‘the Potter suite*.’
96. ‘Alas, earwax.’ Wizard sweets are just plain weird.
97. Slytherin got 472 points. How did that even happen? Does Snape give Crabbe and Goyle points for remembering their own names?!
98. Yes, you Ron – you actually got some house points.
99. Draco’s raging.
100. Let this be the day you remember that Neville Longbottom won the House Cup for Gryffindor.
101. Big grins and a photo album later, and we want to marathon the lot. NEXT ONE, PLEASE.

*not really.

You can watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and all of the eight Harry Potter movies, currently on demand on Sky Movies.