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So this is how 2016 ends… with Lord Voldemort’s 90th birthday

As the Muggle world cheers the end of 2016, how should we mark You-Know-Who’s 90th birthday?

Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic from the Order of the Phonix
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2016 has been an… unprecedented year – yes, that’s the word. So, as we approach the year’s end we could all do with a bit of a laugh. Let’s look at ways magic-minded folk might party on New Year’s Eve – the day a certain Tom Marvolo Riddle first entered the world in 1926.

That’s not to say that the most evil wizard of all time’s birthday is in any way a cause for joy and merriment. But it feels somehow fitting to wrap up this particular year with some pretty dark party inspiration. It’s what he would have wanted.

Get the Dark Lord look

Robes. Black ones. They go with anything and hide a multitude of sins. Also, blood doesn’t show up.

Finesse the sinister, brooding look you’re going for with pale blue nails sharpened to a vicious point. And be fair, You-Know-Who would probably still look pretty fierce at 90.

Voldemort holding his wand in the Ministry of Magic from the Order of the Phoneix
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Whip up some Voldemort-themed cocktails

Start your night with a ‘Unicorn’s blood’ cocktail. Lord Voldemort survived using this vitalising tonic to sustain his life force when seeking the Philosopher’s Stone. Shiny and nourishing, the only drawback (as with many cocktails, to be fair) is the fact that, as handsome centaur Firenze put it, ‘You will have… a cursed life, from the moment [it] touches your lips.’

After that, if you survive, try a ‘drink of despair’, also known as the Emerald Potion. Failing that, a straightforward Babbling Beverage should do it. As Snape spat at Harry: ‘Potter, when I want nonsense shouted at me, I shall give you a Babbling Beverage.’ You’ll fit in at most parties, trust us.

Make a ‘pin the nose on the Dark Lord’ game

Nothing says ‘party’ like a blindfolded test of wits and cunning. So why not help He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named look (and smell) just a little better with a friendly game of pin-the-nose on his pasty chops?

Warning: may cause a trifling case of death if attempted.

Voldemort stares ahead while in Malfoy Manor in a film still from the Deathly Hallows Part .
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Snake charming

Who doesn’t love snakes? They slither, eat mice and smell the air with their tongues – they just scream ‘cuddly’. Why not befriend that giant boa constrictor at your local zoo and train it to track your enemies? Although to be fair, it’ll most likely sleep for most of the day on a giant rock.

Remember to feign Parseltongue any time the snake looks out of its glass case, it’ll freak your mates out.

Throw an impromptu street party

By a peculiar coincidence the Dark Lord is the same age as Queen Elizabeth II. Or would be, anyway, if he was still alive. In a similar vein to this golden summer of street parties, bunting and cake honouring Her Majesty, how about wrapping up warm and laying on some deliciously dark treats in honour of wicked old Voldemort?

Okay, most people wouldn’t respond to your invite. But we bet the Death Eaters would show up. Bellatrix is probably lots of fun down the karaoke, and the Malfoys could certainly afford to bring along a posh hamper for the buffet. Maybe leave Barty Crouch Jr off the guest list?

Voldemort and his Death Eaters in the Forbidden Forrest from The Deathly Hallows
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Obviously, don’t do any of this. But do have a very Happy New Year.