Hermione’s immensely clever squashy-faced cat made his debut during Prisoner of Azkaban. But what if the book had been from his point of view?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

‘You bought that monster?’ said Ron, his mouth hanging open.
‘He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?’ said Hermione, glowing.
That was a matter of opinion, thought Harry. The cat’s ginger fur was thick and fluffy, but it was definitely a bit bow-legged and its face looked grumpy and oddly squashed, as though it had run headlong into a brick wall. Now that Scabbers was out of sight, however, the cat was purring contentedly in Hermione’s arms.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

1. Hmm, there seems to be a rat in Animagus form over there. Someone should probably sort that.

2. Thank goodness this Hermione girl seems smarter than that one.

3. He clearly fancies her, by the way.

4. I will keep a close watch on these two.

A small wickerwork basket stood beside the heap of trunks, spitting loudly.
‘It’s all right, Crookshanks,’ Hermione cooed through the wickerwork, ‘I’ll let you out on the train.’
‘You won’t,’ snapped Ron. ‘What about poor Scabbers, eh?’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

5. This wicker basket is making a mockery of me.

6. What does Hermione see in this guy? Seriously?

The Hogwarts Express moved steadily north and the scenery outside the window became wilder and darker while the clouds overhead thickened… Crookshanks had now settled in an empty seat, his squashed face turned towards Ron, his yellow eyes on Ron’s top pocket.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

7. Peace at last.

8. I will now proceed to stare out this Animagus fool for the entirety of the journey.

George Weasley made a lunge for Crookshanks but missed; Scabbers streaked through twenty pairs of legs and shot beneath an old chest of drawers. Crookshanks skidded to a halt, crouched low on his bandy legs and started making furious swipes beneath the chest of drawers with his front paw.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

9. That’s right, foolish humans. Protect the traitor Animagus.

‘There’s something funny about that animal!’ said Ron, who was trying to persuade a frantically wiggling Scabbers back into his pocket. ‘It heard me say that Scabbers was in my bag!’
‘Oh, what rubbish,’ said Hermione impatiently.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

10. Well done, silly human. Well done.

‘You know, I reckon Ron was right about you,’ Harry told Crookshanks suspiciously. ‘There are plenty of mice around this place, go and chase them.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

11. Some ‘Boy Who Lived’ you are, kid.

Hermione had just come in, wearing her dressing-gown and carrying Crookshanks, who was looking very grumpy, with a string of tinsel tied around his neck.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

12. This is the worst day of my life.

‘HE’S GONE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT WAS ON THE FLOOR?’
…Ron threw something down onto Hermione’s Rune translation… Lying on top of the weird, spiky shapes were several long, ginger cat hairs.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

13. Trust me, humans. If I’d caught the Animagus traitor I’d be doing little cat backflips right now.

…it had emerged: a gigantic, shaggy black dog, moving stealthily across the lawn, Crookshanks trotting at its side.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

14. Of course the best conversation I have all year is with a guy everyone thinks is a bloodthirsty murderer.

Crookshanks darted forwards. He slithered between the battering branches like a snake and placed his front paws upon a knot on the trunk…
‘Crookshanks!’ Hermione whispered uncertainly. She now grasped Harry’s arm painfully hard. ‘How did he know –?’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

15. Come on Hermione, it’s not rocket science. Not that rocket science is hard in the slightest.

‘He’s friends with that dog,’ said Harry grimly. ‘I’ve seen them together.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

16. Don’t call my intellectual equal ‘that dog’, foolish human.

17. I’m looking for a ‘You were totally right, Crookshanks!’ party when all this is over, by the way.

On a magnificent four-poster bed with dusty hangings, lay Crookshanks, purring loudly at the sight of them. On the floor beside him, clutching his leg, which stuck out at a strange angle, was Ron.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

18. I should feel bad for him, but I kind of don’t. Sorry not sorry.

…Crookshanks sank his claws into Black’s robes and wouldn’t shift. He turned his ugly, squashed face to Harry, and looked up at him with those great yellow eyes. To his right, Hermione gave a dry sob.
Harry stared down at Black and Crookshanks, his grip tightening on the wand. So what if he had to kill the cat, too? It was in league with Black…
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

19. You will not kill us, foolish human.

20. Do I have to wear a ‘Sirius Black did not betray your parents’ sign?

‘That’s not a rat,’ croaked Sirius Black suddenly.
‘What d’you mean – of course he’s a rat –’
‘No, he’s not,’ said Lupin quietly. ‘He’s a wizard.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

21. TOLD YOU. HONESTLY.

‘An Animagus,’ said Black, ‘by the name of Peter Pettigrew.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

22. Oh sorry, what’s that sound?

23. Sounds peculiarly like a penny dropping. How strange.

‘Peter Pettigrew’s dead!’ said Harry. ‘He killed him twelve years ago!’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

24. Oh come on, we’re going to be here all day.

25. It’s like trying to teach the alphabet to three trolls.

‘He’s the most intelligent of his kind I’ve ever met. He recognised Peter for what he was straight away. And when he met me, he knew I was no dog.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

26. FINALLY.

27. My brilliance is recognised. All hail me, humans!

‘He tried to bring Peter to me, but couldn’t... so he stole the passwords into Gryffindor Tower for me... As I understand it, he took them from a boy’s bedside table...’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

28. Sometimes I’m so clever I surprise myself.

29. Just kidding, I’m never surprised.

‘But Peter got wind of what was going on and ran for it... this cat – Crookshanks, did you call him? – told me Peter had left blood on the sheets... I suppose he bit himself... well, faking his own death had worked once.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

30. Not that I didn’t enjoy being yelled at and thrown about like a sack every time I tried to catch him for you, though.

31. Come along, foolish humans. All hail Crookshanks.

He looked closely at the owl for a moment, then, to Harry and Hermione’s great surprise, he held him out for Crookshanks to sniff.
‘What d’you reckon?’ Ron asked the cat. ‘Definitely an owl?’
Crookshanks purred.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

32. Oh, yes, that’s right. Just rub my nose against any old thing every time you want to check someone’s not an Animagus traitor.

33. I better be getting some delicious dead spiders after this godawful year.