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Every time the Harry Potter books turned into a B-movie

It wasn’t all fun and games and Quidditch in the wizarding world. Sometimes things turned into a real horror show.

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© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

We’ve turned these scary Harry Potter scenes into retro B-movie posters for your amusement. After all, like B-movies, these situations were very fantastical, larger than life, and sometimes pretty horrifying. Oh well. At least most of these predicaments turned out alright in the end.

Troll! In the dungeon!

B-Movie poser for 'Troll! In the Dungeon!'
© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

No 11-year old should have to be introduced to a big lumbering troll smashing about the place, but unfortunately for Harry and Ron, they had to rescue Hermione from one in their very first year. B-movies always champion the larger-than-life sort of characters, and a massive troll would fit right in with all the Godzillas and King Kongs of the world. Rescuing a ‘damsel in distress’ is a pure B-movie staple, and on this very rare occasion, Hermione played that part here.

The Mermaid Escape

B-movie poster for 'The Mermaid Escape'
© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

Being unwittingly picked to take part in the dangerous Triwizard Tournament was scary enough, but for Harry, things were about to get a whole lot worse when the tasks started. We could’ve picked his dalliance with a dragon – but the second task, during Harry had to rescue Ron from some mermaids, was eerier as it all took place in the school lake. A bunch of stolen wizards and witches, dangerous underwater creatures, and Harry with gills? It definitely wasn’t a normal day.

The attack of the giant Acromantula

B-movie poster for 'Attack of the Giant Acromantula'
© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

Nothing screams ‘B-movie’ like giant, man-eating spiders. Just think about Ron’s face when he first clapped eyes on the Acromantula of the Forbidden Forest. It was, understandably, ‘livid with terror.’ Hairy, monstrous and as big as carthorses, the many spidery children of Hagrid’s pal Aragog each had eight eyes, eight legs, gigantic pincers and an appetite for human flesh. Cute.

Arguably the most terrifying of all Hagrid’s pets, (which includes an actual dragon, lest we forget) the ageing, blind Aragog had lived in the Forest since the first opening of the Chamber of Secrets forced him to flee Hogwarts. When Harry and Ron paid him a visit many years later, Aragog was surrounded by his wife and children and he has a lot of mouths to feed. A lovely, happy, hairy, scary spider family.

Harry and Ron were only saved from becoming lunch by the unexpected reappearance of Mr Weasley’s Ford Anglia. The car got them out of the woods, but the thought of being surrounded by hundreds of huge, hungry spiders is hard to forget.

The 16-foot little brother

B-movie poster for 'The 16 Foot Little Brother'
© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

Only Hagrid could have introduced his friends to his lovely family and for it to feel like they’ve just stepped into a scene from Godzilla.

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Hagrid introduced Harry and Hermione to a member of his family – his little half-brother. Adorable, right? No. Grawp, a full giant at 16 feet tall, was no cutie – although he did mean well.

As Hagrid takes them into the Forest to meet Grawp, Harry became aware of a distinct lack of other creatures. When they see Grawp, the reasons for this became clear. In a dark, silent clearing he lay, bound by ropes and surrounded by ripped-up trees. When Hagrid woke him to make introductions, Grawp uprooted another tree, turns a birds’ nest upside down, tried to grab Hermione in his massive hand and gives Hagrid a bloody nose to add to his many other cuts and bruises.

Umbridge vs Hogwarts

B-movie poster for 'Umbridge vs Hogwarts'
© JKR/Pottermore Ltd.™ Warner Bros.

Hogwarts introduced us to giant spiders, massive dragons, three-headed dogs and great, lumbering trolls – but was there a villain scarier than one bigoted woman in a fluffy pink cardie? No. Dolores Umbridge may not have looked very scary, but her cruelty was as mighty as any great B-movie terror. And we can’t think of anything more horrifying than having to read from the same stuffy old textbook every. Single. Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson.