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Molly Weasley’s most magnificent rants

There are few things as magnificent as Molly Weasley mid-rant: hair flaming, eyes sparkling, delivering comebacks faster than you can say ‘Not my daughter, you…’

Molly Weasley wags her finger
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Yes, Molly was the true queen of red-haired rage. Sometimes we wish we could hire her out to get us out of some sticky situations. To celebrate Molly’s might, here are some of her most fantastic, most memorable and truly inspirational rants.

When we first met Molly Weasley she was described as a plump woman with flaming red hair and a kindly heart. She helped Harry figure out how to reach platform nine and three-quarters and she treated her children with fondness and warmth. She also almost immediately adopted Harry as one of her own, sending him an iconic lovely Christmas jumper from his first year. She seemed sweet and gentle, and a mother-figure for Harry, who never really had one.

Then Fred, George and Ron nicked their father’s flying car and we get our first glimpse into the steely Molly underneath…

Ron had gone a nasty greenish colour, his eyes fixed on the house. The other three wheeled around.
Mrs Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a sabre-toothed tiger.
‘Ah,’ said Fred.
‘Oh dear,’ said George.’
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

And that was just the warm up.

‘Beds empty! No note! Car gone ... could have crashed ... out of my mind with worry ... did you care? ... never, as long as I’ve lived ... you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy …’
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

We especially love that her beloved husband Arthur also couldn’t quite handle Molly’s almighty scorn.

‘... but the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn’t believe –’
‘LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?’
Mrs Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr Weasley’s eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.
‘C-cars, Molly, dear?’
‘Yes, Arthur, cars,’ said Mrs Weasley, her eyes flashing.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Another golden memory was during the era of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, where Mrs Weasley had frequent run-ins with Fred and George over their variety of chaos-causing inventions. Although we know the twins eventually won their mother round with their unorthodox business, the developing stages of the Ton-Tongue Toffee didn’t go well.

‘Accio! Accio! Accio!’ she shouted, and toffees zoomed from all sorts of unlikely places, including the lining of George’s jacket and the turn-ups of Fred’s jeans.
‘We spent six months developing those!’ Fred shouted at his mother, as she threw the toffees away.
‘Oh, a fine way to spend six months!’ she shrieked. ‘No wonder you didn’t get more O.W.Ls!’
All in all, the atmosphere was not very friendly as they made their departure.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

If Molly thought Fred and George were a handful as children, the twins’ coming of age was a joyous occasion. Did we say joyous? We meant fraught.

‘FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!’ screamed Mrs Weasley. ‘THERE WAS NO NEED – I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS – JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WANDS OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!’’
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

What about that time Mundungus got the sharp end of Mrs Weasley’s tongue when he tried to bring in stolen goods?

‘WE ARE NOT RUNNING A HIDEOUT FOR STOLEN GOODS!’
‘I love hearing Mum shouting at someone else,’ said Fred, with a satisfied smile on his face as he opened the door an inch or so to allow Mrs Weasley’s voice to permeate the room better, ‘it makes such a nice change.’
‘– COMPLETELY IRRESPONSIBLE, AS IF WE HAVEN’T GOT ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT YOU DRAGGING STOLEN CAULDRONS INTO THE HOUSE –’
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

We had to love it when Fred and George managed, once again, to land in her line of fire when they knocked Ginny down the stairs. Although, to be fair, she had a point.

Mrs Black and Mrs Weasley were both screaming at the top of their voices.
‘– COULD HAVE DONE HER A SERIOUS INJURY, YOU IDIOTS –’
‘– FILTHY HALF-BREEDS, BESMIRCHING THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS –’
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Probably one of the best Molly rants was when Arthur decided to try Muggle stitches on the bite he received from Voldemort’s snake. Actually, we were the ones in stitches…

‘It sounds as though you’ve been trying to sew your skin back together,’ said Mrs Weasley with a snort of mirthless laughter, ‘but even you, Arthur, wouldn’t be that stupid –’
‘I fancy a cup of tea, too,’ said Harry, jumping to his feet.
Hermione, Ron and Ginny almost sprinted to the door with him. As it swung closed behind them, they heard Mrs Weasley shriek, ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT’S THE GENERAL IDEA?’
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Next it was Harry’s turn to be at the receiving end of Molly’s ire. He was about to quit school and head out to find the Horcruxes and destroy Voldemort on his own. She was not, to say the least, amused.

‘I don’t see that you have to go, either!’ she snapped, dropping all pretence now. ‘You’re barely of age, any of you! It’s utter nonsense, if Dumbledore needed work doing, he had the whole Order at his command! Harry, you must have misunderstood him. Probably he was telling you something he wanted done, and you took it to mean that he wanted you –’
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Then, Molly hit her finest moment. She struck a chord in every wizard, witch and Muggle when she turned her impressive anger and prodigious talent towards Bellatrix Lestrange during the Battle of Hogwarts. You know what’s coming. One, two, three…

‘NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!’
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Hurray!